I threw out your underwear

I put it off, dealing with you
I waited until the fog covered us
nothing distinct or glaring
in my eyes in my eyes

I hesitated giving you back
your shoes your book and threw out
your underwear deleting your messages
I didn’t want to hear your voice your voice

I postponed our separation
building only half a wall
watching you over prefab on pallets
can we stall the heartache the heartache

I put it off, dealing with you
you dragged your feet about anything real
it won’t add up however long we wait
to get a grip and deal with us with us

Miscellaneous night thoughts

I can hear no cars. I might be the only one in this time zone awake.

The mind is errant when left on its own.With no goal in mind, it wanders through places my mother warned me about-with fancy names and neon.

Everything here is shiny and bright.My tired eyes blink, trying to make out shapes and faces.I see you, waving to me. I try to be nonchalant

I remember it was a drag the day I realized I was the girl mothers warned their sons about. I couldn’t very well argue with the facts.

There is nothing left now to do but keep it as a memory and sand down the edges, for posterity.Once I am gone, I will not be able to explain

Now that I have passed the fulcrum of this night, I will stay awake and watch the sun come up. I hate to think this stardust is wasted.

Passion and politics

 

 

Raindrops are lost to clods of dirt
stirred by your footfall
you- so much taller than I
I thought they were your tears
falling over my head

I wish you had been sober
when you said you wanted me
I wish you had been kinder
when you got sober

You voted badly-I know it
you hammered me with your politics
you didn’t know shit
about foreign policy

You still could have stayed-
you could untie my knots
and did not tell me, while
I was trying to get at your heart

You said you hated the Beatles
but I still would have stayed
when you smashed my vintage ABBA record-
I walked out and you panicked

I miss you staring into my eyes
til I had to look down
I miss staring at your lap
til you blushed

It is raining again
the clods of dirt
stirred up by your footfall
I still listen for

Precious

diamonds.jpg

She cried during Star Wars
and he laughed at her
which made her cry more
turning to lay her cheek
against the cool glass
raindrops on the window
like diamonds

‘Isn’t it precious,’ she thought
lighting a cigarette
and hearing him cough
from across the room
but he’d never tell her to stop
crazy about her grumpy moods
in love with how she exhaled

“Maybe we should get away,” he said
getting up and walking over
kneeling at her feet, and
wrapping his arms about her legs
hearing her reply how she liked
things the way they were, and
feeling her fingers in his hair

they are still here

still waking
I push through
the nightmares set aside
and relegated to shadows
useful in the light only
for the occasional
odd lyric to stick to
the soundtrack of life
for the others who still struggle
with their nightmares, who
must know they are not alone-
but I have learned
to look at them, to put them
where they ought
to sit back and wait
like good children, for
they have their place
and they should stay in it
when the sun is out-
but naughty, they creep
dipping fingers in my coffee
stealing my toast corners-
then picking up my pen when
I turn my head
to color this world as well
and laugh

Do we have an accord?

I am in the kitchen writing out my life.
Chopin is in the living room, urging me not to quit.
The sadness (over breakfast) and a hurried car ride-
heavy and burdensome.

I don’t care (I said) because of course
I care more than life itself-
but if I have to give up my life
in the process (I don’t care) .

Then what is the purpose of living
this strangling, overarching plot
that no one would buy
is poking at my last nerve.

So it is like this. That you will
treat me kindly in the future
and I will continue to write my life.
This is the contract I bid you sign.

ravenous

I am an orphan now
and I’m no psychologist
but I know
when I speak
I’m a nor’easter
breezing through
ripping shit up

We are orphans now
and when we try to step lightly
it’s like Godzilla come ’round
Godzilla come ’round
to see what we can demolish
stomping
about the place

I am an orphan now
mouth like a gaping maw
a baby bird
with incessant chirping
never full
all that I can devour
give me more baby