You, bewilder me (nt)

what you say
what you always say
never satisfied
hurting with you
sharing
what is mine is yours

and yours
is also mine
even the ugly
but let’s put
a bandaid on that
and some word salve

you are never satisfied
never satisfied
never satisfied
no contentment
in what your hands hold
always, you are looking, for
what is elusive

so I hunt for you
caring too much, she tells me
trying too hard to be the one, the hero
that carries home the ten point buck
only to be in your sights again
your one–your redemptor

is is possible
so she asks
for someone
with all my inherited good sense
to give up decades
for one glorious pedestal moment
when you see me golden

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Look at me

because you don’t see me
anymore

now with my bonnet off
I’ll dance in the rain
or play on the train tracks

foolhardy soul
what losses now

because you don’t see me

the fear is waning
and all bets are off
when it comes down

to
assumptions
conclusions
predictions

and my brave face

because you no longer
see me

each rose
smells that much sweeter
being discovered
and
I take the steps
two at a time
a miracle on this day

as I am still here

when you look through me

I don’t get sad when the fog rolls in
the blanket enveloping me
reminding me of what is real

not your fantasy
with pinpricks and Tabasco sauce
and each day
less and less
I remember what we said

You stopped taking me into account

and I took another look
at my books, but
doing your own accounting
is foolhardy

and takes a cast iron heart

Now that you can’t see me

what was bright like neon
is dull under your spell

your moods like
the ocean

my invisible coat
you bid me wear

big moon
jagged stars
playing riffs in the blackest night

serenading–do you know
what felt like a golden moment
someone wants from me

for a lifetime

your heart

moving
pulsing
still tomorrow
your words something I have grown
too clingy to
hush
don’t criticize

I will be finished soon

Invisible now
the day scares me–
I want to run from it

hush

the night is nearly come
and today relegated to
the history of days

you are a stranger now
not overlooking my own
peculiarities
we walk about
barely knowing one another
(despite matching scars
like ties and shoes)

the fog lifts
and I see your face
but if you open up
to your very depths
in the sunshine
I just might get at
the heart of you