self-therapy

I took a walk
my mind cleared of debris
clean and un-littered

I built a wall
to keep out your insinuations
your vague desires

I stayed awake
to flick away the nightmares
and shoo the ghosts

right saucy, aren’t they–
and the hours without ghosts
are still haunted

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shelter

escaping from the wicked stew
that is the world around me
making me crazy in circles
with all they expect
I am here in my hiding place
where I find light and warmth
and no one tears my hair out
fairies brushing it until it shines
growing in the hope that
when I re-enter the world
I will bring this light with me

asylum

still looking for safety
somewhere to
sleep all night
and wake without fear
inside stalwart walls
no one can penetrate

first warm days of Spring
make me nostalgic
remembering good and bad
and horrible, blended
with lies and poured into
something tall and frosty

we drank coffee for water
those days
old plumbing I never trusted
rust colored fount at day break
I let it run and hummed
breaking eggs into a hot pan

I sorted the tangled
ate what was offered
seeking asylum
with the girl I used to be
thumbing my nose
at the world

tender dreams
and sick fantasies
kept him alive
winters cold enough
to freeze off toes
dark enough to hide
what he did not know

will you let it go

sometimes I write about myself
in third person
so you will never guess
that it is me
that I went through the fire
and came out charred and worn

it is best that you do not know
how often you come to mind
how well I know you
and talk about you to others
it is best you think
about someone else

don’t take this away from me
this safety of darkness
don’t lose the sense of wonder
they beat out of you, in the days
when you were just at the surface
gasping for air–

it is not an easy task
to find a safe mooring
precautions must be taken

consider the weather
dress appropriately
bring adequate provisions

remember what is precious
to keep our velvet ship
safe from the storm