He closed like a door
not slammed
the way we hear a warning shot
before the storm
but shut meticulously
carefully
to evoke no more than a soft click
easily missed

It was always the silence that did me in.
I put up with every violation
in a way that no one should
but I never stopped living
until the silence got me

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isn’t it sweet
gray morning
when the sun comes bursting
making me think of spring
isn’t it a gift
from God
in the middle of sadness
to be so warm

grief in four parts

say what you like
if it makes you feel good
truth is still truth
and no one knows
until they do
but that isn’t what
I wanted to talk about–
it is about grief

I know how it is
how the big gossip
slaps you between the thighs
but you might be wise
to wait until you know
for certain
still that isn’t what
I meant to say today–
it is about forgiveness

you are repeating
yourself now
and I know how
passionate you are
but what if you are wrong
then you will have
to take it back
later
but this isn’t really
what is on my mind
it is about generosity

I remember how we laughed
over espresso and Earl Grey teas
oh please
we never argued then
we were too enthralled
with connections
and sugar packets

but that is breaking the rules
to bring up the past, when
this is really more about
beauty

In the hall

I wait
my breathing shallow
for the footsteps
on the squeaky stair
my lungs feeling empty
rasping
lost my voice to the loud
‘hello’?
mouth dry
like old air
of that last time
in there
memory fail me now
let’s not remember
brain cells, teach
me how to forget
in the hall
outside the door
at the top of the stairs

Look at me

because you don’t see me
anymore

now with my bonnet off
I’ll dance in the rain
or play on the train tracks

foolhardy soul
what losses now

because you don’t see me

the fear is waning
and all bets are off
when it comes down

to
assumptions
conclusions
predictions

and my brave face

because you no longer
see me

each rose
smells that much sweeter
being discovered
and
I take the steps
two at a time
a miracle on this day

as I am still here

when you look through me

I don’t get sad when the fog rolls in
the blanket enveloping me
reminding me of what is real

not your fantasy
with pinpricks and Tabasco sauce
and each day
less and less
I remember what we said

You stopped taking me into account

and I took another look
at my books, but
doing your own accounting
is foolhardy

and takes a cast iron heart

Now that you can’t see me

what was bright like neon
is dull under your spell

your moods like
the ocean

my invisible coat
you bid me wear

big moon
jagged stars
playing riffs in the blackest night

serenading–do you know
what felt like a golden moment
someone wants from me

for a lifetime

your heart

moving
pulsing
still tomorrow
your words something I have grown
too clingy to
hush
don’t criticize

I will be finished soon

Invisible now
the day scares me–
I want to run from it

hush

the night is nearly come
and today relegated to
the history of days

I have
disappointed you

all the brilliant colours
in the rain
run off
to reveal doldrums
I have tried to be rid of
for decades

give me a chance
maybe

it takes longer than you
counted on
but being here
that is, as they say
possession
is nine-tenths of some law
that could apply to us

because I am still here
and still yours

Wisteria

vines

Thoughts one upon another
rolling over rocks over water, oh
give me a sheltering branch
taste and see if my thoughts
are bitter or sweet
or rotting on the vine

Jesus, I need Your hand
like a wing around my bare sores
beaten down and tired–
heal me please with your tender care
remind me why I need you daily
oh cover me in sweet grasses
and help me not to forget

wisteria

Every step the stones loosen
on this road I fashioned myself
thorn and burr on each side
and a rising tide
I press on–trying to stay upright
keep my feet from slipping
one arm raised–a hand
outstretched to feel Yours

cats and dogs

I have run out of things
to tell you
I have exhausted my small world
how many times
will someone read about crying
in the rain

until they give up
on the writer
and move on
to newer mountains
other worlds
that were created
in more legible
minds than my own

but it is raining, and
I am crying
and I do not want
you to see it
so I run outside
and lift hands and chin
to Heaven
while it pours