crying twice
since coffee
over questions and fears
your voice comes through
the fog of yesterday
the dog barking
the mask peeling
and your generous love
touches my heart
each time I drop to my knees
even so, Lord
even so
You drop over me
a veil that brings
more tears
with only joy


Monday Random: thank you

The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see.
-Dr. Robert Holden

  • This week while boiling off some great broth for Thanksgiving gravy, I remembered that I used to write out a gratitude journal
  • I got the idea from an Oprah show in the 90’s, but I’m not sure if the idea came from Oprah or Iyanla Vanzant.
  • I learned a few things from both of them back then, but first, the journaling
  • Oprah suggested writing 5 things a day you are thankful for. They do not have to be big
  • What I learned from this exercise is that choosing to be grateful changed how I viewed the people in my life
  • It changed how I viewed God’s influence in my life
  • It made me less bitter
  • That one is huge

Continue reading “Monday Random: thank you”

All the pieces

I have written
all of it
the pieces battered and bruised
from every time on the floor
rocking in the corner

Did you read the chapter
where I rose victorious
out of order because I want you to see it
out of place
I don’t know
her name is now

Hate was first
crushing soul defeat
grief kneaded with blood
but when forgiveness came in
there was hope
like miracles
like music

They were wrong
so wrong about love
not being enough
maybe they were never loved like that
(I wasn’t
for ever so long)
hate was bigger

But I was wrong
with the strength of millions
dealt a death blow
to fear
(and carelessness
and loathing)

All told
the scraps innumerable
in the thousands
sewn together one by one
with miles of unbreakable cord

5:25 a.m.

split the sky

A crimson streak has split the sky
ten minutes before coffee
having woke in the darkness at 3:30

What do I owe You for this spectacle
in the middle of fractured thoughts
letting the clouds break for just this now

Hanging full and heavy these clouds
like full breasts, they
threaten to burst out but then do not

Hovering gray and pendulous
with just this slash of red
surrounded by periwinkle and ash

Say you’ll never leave me

Peanut-butter and jelly on toast
and the end to all things
Lana del Rey crooning in a way
I have come to count upon

Eggs boiling–keeping simple
the kitchen taking on a balmy,
sultry, foggy feeling
on the cusp of mid-west winter

Shall we dance? Let us
make the best of it, with our
dead leaves to be raked
our car rusting up from the bottom

My sepia view of the yard
our birthdays looming, suddenly
less of a threat–doing their best
to be more of a promise


Ms. Del Rey

And Sir Paul on topic

Thank you


I woke up joyful that I had slept the night
sans nightmares, sans fear.
I said to myself
that ‘This is the day
that the Lord has made;
we will rejoice and be glad in it’
remembering the salvation of my childhood
the kindness of God in my weariness, and His love
and acceptance during my abandonments, both real
and perceived;

I am grateful for friends that stay, for sunshine that feels like it will never end in the middle of storms;
I am thankful for my children, for their health, and for their patience with me;
I am grateful for my mother, who in hindsight was loving to me all the way through, even when I could only see the failures;

I am thankful for coffee, for chocolate, for paragraphs, and for the Oxford comma;
I am thankful for words that were my friends when I was completely alone, both those in books, and the ones that came to mind that I have put down on paper since I was 9;

I am thankful for paper, ink, pencils, pens, and all the colors of the rainbow, even though I have lived most of my life in black and white.

*only six days late–my Thanksgiving poem


I sweep the floor at six a.m. while they sleep. How mundane does a day get than this: using my early hours of private time to do housework? This is time I have held nearly sacred. I have kept it close to my chest. I was selfish for years about the limited time that belonged only to me. Today I feel grateful. Something brought this feeling on. Perhaps it started with dread of losing what I have. These days are violent and frightening. This house feels like sanctuary. Without the others, would it be a prison? I am grateful as I sweep up their leavings.

sweep during sunrise
vitamins, coffee beans, dust
proof of life

Monday Random

This is an old fashioned Monday Random in its purest form – a stream of consciousness – thoughts with no theme. Yesterday required a lot of talking. Today – everything I want to say is lined up in my mind like bullet points. So let’s get to it.

  • There is something to be said for pizza suppers with only two plates and two glasses to wash after I’ve left them overnight
  • Not paper plates because I don’t like to use many disposables
  • We are going on a trip this summer we cannot afford
  • To save money we are eating eggs at 2/3 meals and found this is a very easy way to cut down on grocery costs
  • Salsa is a great ingredient for putting tomatoes and onions in the eggs when I am out of produce
  • Plus you can’t get a good tomato in May
  • My mother’s day became very special with an unexpected phone call and I am utterly grateful
  • For someone writing with brevity I am using a shit-ton of adverbs
  • I’m really grateful and happy for yesterday
  • I promised I would spend nothing on myself last week then bought a book of poetry
  • It’s a disease
  • I learned something this week about negotiating conflict
  • Explaining well is no guarantee someone will agree with me
  • I can live with them not agreeing with me
  • Talking things out is less important for convincing someone of my side and more important for learning to listen and seeing what they have to say
  • It seems you can sell some very bad poetry when you include a photo of a bare ass

Have a great Monday, and I will try and do the same !