Monday Random: Easter Sunday

  • Good morning
  • Easter was to be a small affair, just the two of us
  • The menu was simple: chicken parmesan, garlic bread, a big salad, and my famous cheesecake for dessert
  • Saturday I had been so sick, I lay around all day, in and out of sleep. Nothing serious, just a virus that’s been around our town and finally found me
  • Hubby had been sick already 3 days
  • By Sunday a.m. we knew neither of us were going to church
  • Dinner was a maybe, the day’s fare consisting mostly of tea and toast, and diet soda
  • Somewhere mid-day while watching movies, he got hungry and I made salads. That gave us some energy to think about the delicious chicken, but that meant being on my feet
  • What’s a girl to do?
  • The cheesecake finally made it into the oven, but had to refrigerate a minimum of four hours
  • The chicken was finished cooking mid-evening, declared delicious, and gobbled up, sans bread or veg or anything else
  • Then I passed out during the next movie
  • When I woke up, I was sad that it was bedtime and he hadn’t had any Easter cheesecake. I cut him a slice and he declared one bite delicious, saving the rest for Monday
  • I opted out of that or toast or anything, laying down again and waking up to the t.v. another hour later, past midnight
  • We finally had the good sense to find our bed, then talked more into the night before we both passed out to our fever dreams
  • I dreamed about Barry White. He was hanging out with me in a black, glittery suit, a whale of a man. I said, “That suit just glitters, it really shines.”
  • He said, “You shine, in everything you do.”
  • Damn, I have an endorsement from Barry White. I woke up feeling a little better and more confident than ever to continue on the path I have chosen. What a guy.

Happy Monday! We are all still here, and glad to be. If we ever get re-married to renew our vows as we’ve discussed, I want this song to be part of it. Allbest as we start out this week together. Thanks for reading. You know,  I never take that for granted–

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Sleeping with the television on

Did I sleep?
I remember moments
when colors flew by
kaleidoscope
and merry-go-round
and you–-smiling
that must have been a dream

our fingers
formed a web between us
and you lifted your hand
to
brush hair off my forehead–-
shivering with the notion
of one hundred nights

I trampled you
and you asked for more
assumptions. predictions. affirmations.
and a storm
of peppermint schnapps
the tip of your tongue
lazy–
saying–
come on

each day
a new destination
to reach that sunset
with you still seeing me–-
and I was drawing you
into every waking hour
the way I saw you

2 days, no sleep

pile_of_pillows

I tore up my fingers on that ring
grasping at what was not mine–
but I stole it–because it was his
and I wanted her not to have it

The late night snacking takes a toll
a lack of sleep notwithstanding
the gremlins that come out only at night
have found a niche under my skin
painful and soothing all at once

Over-thinking also has its price
this bat and ball are nothing to me now
I never did take to diamonds that well
but one time, there was an emerald
that caught my eye

I would have sold all I had for it
until I owned only that and none else
but that won’t feed anyone
and it won’t transport, or shower;
what once were needs are now desires

The tree top seemed out of reach
until waking up to fog I remembered
we must bend and stretch, and
no one gets a free ride
of government cheese for always

but with a little perseverance
I could have every dream fulfilled
if I only dream of mediocrity
and if I am not that hungry

bus out of town

I talk too much
and get beat down
with silence
a foolish pollyanna
a sucker for a kind word

from someone who can’t be bothered
with the emotional side of things
some women
are built for speed–
I was built for empathy

all fine and good at 20
with big plans
idealism anyone–
certain it would pan out
at some point

but giving up feels good
at this moment
forgetting dreams–
I can’t give you something
you won’t take

and you can’t accept what you see
as no more than a token
the love it represented
beat up and taking the bus
to warmer climates

Monday Random: just random

  • I was awake in the sweet spot of night, from 3-5
  • Both before and after this interlude, I dreamt such weird things, not all bad but all over the place. Third night in a row dreaming of my kids as small children instead of grown
  • Highlight was looking out an east window in my delirium and seeing two planets rising. Checking here I think I was seeing Venus and Mars. So cool and so bright
  • Last night I was talking to the delightful Entirety In Bits.  We nudged each other about handwritten poems like we used to submit on Twitter at #justwrite
  • Still hazy with the dreams even after 2 cups of coffee. Off to find a pen

Here’s a little something from 1957, which was always my mother’s favourite music year. I hope your Monday is outrageously good

 

self-therapy

I took a walk
my mind cleared of debris
clean and un-littered

I built a wall
to keep out your insinuations
your vague desires

I stayed awake
to flick away the nightmares
and shoo the ghosts

right saucy, aren’t they–
and the hours without ghosts
are still haunted

Lavender days

purple.jpg
I am not without
each dream another chance
at peace
and a taste of
purple headed passion
every flower smitten
with the rain

purple flowers

pruning
what does not satisfy
feeding the roots
with memories and dreams
unafraid to look at my past
finding my brave face
for what comes

sweet

 

Saddle up

It started yesterday
as I went through my chores
my lists
working and doing
my thoughts got lost in hoof beats

Someone shook me
to get my attention
what is this dark, this shadow
that makes its way through my brain
with a will of its own? And later

during dinner, the pounding
that I perceived to be my own heartbeat
again, riders of another world traversing
my thoughts without consent
my concentration and my focus
comminuted as they picked up speed-

Why?

I am no one-a poor girl with dreams
it is hard enough to sift the toothsome
dreaming from the nightmares
but now I must try to harness them
in my waking hours
and I am not capable

I don’t have that sort of cunning
to put the bit in the mouth and keep reins
taut, to bring the thoughts back
to what I wanted, what I will
these convoluted desires

these wishes become goals
and they ride on, with no thought
the night is coming
and I will be trampled

 

 

 

falling asleep delirious from sickness
suddenly upon me on a cool foggy morning
I dreamt there was a bee around me
frantically trying to catch it as one
might cup a firefly in the palms
then realizing I could get stung I told myself
open your hands open your hands it will sting you
but they didn’t move for anxious moments
feeling the wings flutter the fat yellow black body
against my skin finally the sides of my hands
unglued I pulled them apart
and the bee hovered then flew