Monday random: family

  • There was a time I thought I had to get away from my family
  • months and years went by sometimes with only silence
  • forgiveness was a rough lesson to learn
  • There was a time I was so alone I couldn’t bear it, and realized that no matter what, my family would take me in

Continue reading “Monday random: family”

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I feel unsteady

these days
not the metaphysical bit
of the mind off kilter

but the way you did not expect of me
toddling over ice and snow
in fear of falling

no longer dancing lightly up and down steps
my skirt brushing my ankles
daring me to try it

self-seeking

I unloaded the burden
I told all of it to strangers
and old friends who thought better of me

because it was true
I told all of it
but I knew it was self-serving

an urgency to write myself
taking years to see
that I was the only one I was writing

all their heroes are thirty
just children when we were storming and raging
all my heroes are eighty now

and I see it all so clearly
like through rain as through a glass
as though we all sit together and no one

stays behind

together, maybe

my son laughed
at how many bookmarks I have
on the browser
afraid of losing something

I said
look at my book
see my Bible
all the little scraps
marking words and phrases
keeping track of the days
lost now

knowing my mending is stacking
too high to ever catch up
maybe
but start with page 23 and read to me
while I thread the needle

Date night ditty

It is Friday night and all the boys and girls
are out dancing and smoking their way into dawn

We have settled in and we have settled
so much, so that I have
stirred my hope from April into my cup
to make some use of it
the odes are wasted on us

Friday night and the boys and girls
dance their way into smokey dawn

It is not hopeless, after all
I stayed behind to nurse the wounded cavalry
hooves stamping mercilessly for attention
through summer wine and typhoon
was it mid-June when you told me
nothing had changed

Friday wanes and fireworks go off
moons rise and set and all the kids
keep dancing
’til the sun rises

I read you

the virility and strength of
the young male at his best in the morning
standing tall at 6 a.m. and boasting
crowing about youth and man and purpose
the knowing that you can do
anything

and I read and smile, well past
my prime but making the most of it
still very much twenty-four or five
on the inside, and continue reading
between taking pills and vitamins
and exercising for the lady on PBS

turning a page, and reading the bio
I had to laugh a moment at my assumptions
seeing your lined face, the sometimes
weary eyes, but your voice, still rising up
taking on the day with the great hope
of young men and warriors, of every age

Monday Random: nostalgic

  • I miss what Twinkies tasted like before. I can’t eat them often, but now and then it would be nice to have one taste like it used to
  • I am still going through boxes and downsizing since the move. It was hard to get rid of some things then. Now, a little easier, but sometimes I still sit with a paper in my hand, or a book, or momento and I can’t let it go.
  • I never thought that would happen to me
  • I really don’t like clutter.

Continue reading “Monday Random: nostalgic”

Monday Random: patience

  • It seems like the more things improve the faster I want to see the really good stuff come to me. I know that’s not how it works, except in Hallmark Movies
  • I was told the hardest parenting time would be when they were teenagers. The twenties have their own new challenges, like knowing when to butt in and push and when to back off
  • I talked to my friend this week who turns 94 soon. It put needed patience into perspective
  • This is a lady who was very athletic and took good care of herself all her life. She told me the last time she did a cartwheel in the yard was age 80
  • Now she has to use a walker, and I felt like if I breathed too hard she would just float off. She is small now, frail.
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you do the math

dancing in my living room
to George and Elton
(does it really happen
if no-one sees it? like
that proverbial
tree in the forest)

he says I never go out
(though I could tell him stories
about 1985, when I lived ten years
in 12 months)
and I dance and dance

my head full of 1990
(wonderwall, hammer, hit me baby)
one more time–-let’s dance as one
I’ll lead this time–you follow–-
if you still have that notion
that 1+1= 1
and 2+1= no-end-of-joy

perhaps we will find
a new kind of joy
wrap’d in understanding, and
lessons learned (old flames–-
new rites of passage)
let’s not forget, and dance to now
(rhianna, radiohead, foo fighters
+ the beatles,
the eagles, and 21 pilots,
shaken and stirred)

once I thought it was crucial
to fly without a net
but I believe
the real trick
is to not let go