I wish I had been stoned

because I did not want to look into the casket
perhaps, with some help
I might not have seen her so vividly
or since, not as she was

I wish I had been as brave
as she was
holding her hand
and saying goodbye, no
she held all of us together

I saw all I could side-eye
and the guilt remains
something I could hold in my hand
not hers, cold and without pity

I wish I had been stoned, but
I had not touched the stuff
since 1985, then maybe
the colours around her
would have soothed us all

and I could put this back in the hope chest
with all the other dust

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9 thoughts on “I wish I had been stoned

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