Monday random: family

  • There was a time I thought I had to get away from my family
  • months and years went by sometimes with only silence
  • forgiveness was a rough lesson to learn
  • There was a time I was so alone I couldn’t bear it, and realized that no matter what, my family would take me in

  • for nine months I went home
  • I know now that during that time I took without giving, and that makes me sad
  • Though I did bring home a granddaughter, and she gave and gave and gave
  • There was a time then, much later, that I wanted to go home, but thought that I could not
  • How do you cross a burned bridge, when you cannot swim?
  • There was a day when I invited my family to my own home
  • It was not a perfect gathering–Hallmark channel would not have approved
  • But we managed to strike a balance between forgiveness, civility, and restraint
  • There were laughs, and I found ways that I could give something back, even if I was never able to make up for the past
  • Sometimes transparency is in order, and it is time to look at hard facts, and talk them out.
  • Other times, silence is a gift. Silence is my forgiveness.
  • Now–I tend to give from my ‘wheelhouse’, which contains my books and the kitchen
  • When I stopped regretting what I could not give, and offered freely what was mine to give, these gatherings became easier to navigate.
  • A big bite of cake can stop one from saying what truly does not need to be said after 40 years.
  • A bit of bravery allows one to say what truly must be said after 40 years.
  • Still, with all that, it is possible to feel no more than 8 years old in front of your father, despite my best efforts.
  • The lasagne was to die for, and they will be talking about that at the next gathering. And the bakery pies, and the stories
  • not the dust in the corner that I missed, whilst cleaning and running out of time.

Lessons learned:

  • be willing to learn
  • listen
  • let go of expectations
  • and above all–be brave

*

 

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “Monday random: family

  1. Thank you so much for sharing. A friend of mine once said who cares about the dirt. It’s all about the family.

    Like

Give me your two cents

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.