Monday random: family

  • There was a time I thought I had to get away from my family
  • months and years went by sometimes with only silence
  • forgiveness was a rough lesson to learn
  • There was a time I was so alone I couldn’t bear it, and realized that no matter what, my family would take me in

  • for nine months I went home
  • I know now that during that time I took without giving, and that makes me sad
  • Though I did bring home a granddaughter, and she gave and gave and gave
  • There was a time then, much later, that I wanted to go home, but thought that I could not
  • How do you cross a burned bridge, when you cannot swim?
  • There was a day when I invited my family to my own home
  • It was not a perfect gathering–Hallmark channel would not have approved
  • But we managed to strike a balance between forgiveness, civility, and restraint
  • There were laughs, and I found ways that I could give something back, even if I was never able to make up for the past
  • Sometimes transparency is in order, and it is time to look at hard facts, and talk them out.
  • Other times, silence is a gift. Silence is my forgiveness.
  • Now–I tend to give from my ‘wheelhouse’, which contains my books and the kitchen
  • When I stopped regretting what I could not give, and offered freely what was mine to give, these gatherings became easier to navigate.
  • A big bite of cake can stop one from saying what truly does not need to be said after 40 years.
  • A bit of bravery allows one to say what truly must be said after 40 years.
  • Still, with all that, it is possible to feel no more than 8 years old in front of your father, despite my best efforts.
  • The lasagne was to die for, and they will be talking about that at the next gathering. And the bakery pies, and the stories
  • not the dust in the corner that I missed, whilst cleaning and running out of time.

Lessons learned:

  • be willing to learn
  • listen
  • let go of expectations
  • and above all–be brave

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