Every day

I open a vein here
I said I wouldn’t, I promised that
I could write in public, and give you much of me, and
show you my heart–but there is a line, was a line, a supposéd line
over which you can have all of it except my blood

When the words begin, I only intend to give you a peek at my insides
an x-ray of what I’ve been up to, and how life’s pommels
perturb my organs, my inner workings, the processes of the body;
so how come I woke up in a puddle of blood after a night of quill driving?
I didn’t mean to, and like a moment where one’s pants fall down in a crowd

I would be obliged if you would turn your head for a moment
while I clean this up. No one else will know, or will see
they were not looking, they have their circus tents
their center ring features, the lion tamer is spectacular
so they will not notice the movement among the freaks in the shadows

Again, these rules, more like guidelines, a peek only, into my psyche
enough to pacify the ego, too little to shock the masses, but only to touch
one or two, someone in need of a buddy, a mate, to know
that they are not alone in this;
and I hurt too and I laugh too and I have joy
when the hurt abates for the time being

But the blood is not on the menu. and when you look away,
I take my handkerchief and wipe the corner of my mouth

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13 thoughts on “Every day

  1. poignantly said. Often its cathartic to “open a vein” psychologically, like the catharsis you feel when you watch a dark movie that has something in it that resonates in your own life. The feeling in the pants fall down in a crowd line is spot on. We all feel that when we decide to be brave enough to open up to others. A timidness until you know how other(s) will react.

    “enough to pacify the ego, too little to shock the masses, but only to touch
    one or two, someone in need of a buddy, a mate, to know
    that they are not alone in this” – love this! I do believe there are those more of us in the shadows that are touched and relieved to know we are not alone than that that just have their ego pacified.

    Even the egotists are typically only that way as a mask to hide that deep inside they’re actually just like us but afraid to show it.

    I work in customer service and sometimes the thorniest customer I have come across in the end always has a back story as to how they became the way they are. I talked to one thorny one that once I had calmed her down found out her and her husband were estranged, he is blind and she lost 2 sons due to suicide. Her bill being wrong and her cable TV not working just turned out to be the final straw on an already overloaded soul.

    I enjoy all of your writings but this one I think is particularly good. Bravo!

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to write out your thoughts. I suppose many of us have a part of us that wants to be seen and an opposing part that wants to hide. It can be frightening to be public, but also maybe more frightening to never go through the door to the outside.

      The bit about ego, I meant that I might be pacifying my own ego, but you know you have a great thought about egotists and masks. You got me thinking about that.

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  2. The images of your poetry speak more clearly than a prose account of your ” bloody place”. You create a mirror where I can see myself and feel I am not alone, though I feel it is too mundane to write about.

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  3. Damn. This so often feels like me, a show for others, a peephole show here, giving readers an intimate moment with the insides of me before I quickly stitch it up and move on. Lovely lines here, my friend.

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