Story of my life

A series of tales begun in 2016

You ask me to tell you a story about myself. My stories once frightened a child upon overhearing, and afterward, my mother did not speak to me for months.

Would you believe me if I told you that I used to be a ballerina in a troupe of fairies in East Cicero, Illinois? I didn’t think so.

Would you believe I ran off for a week with the plumber when he came to our house? I liked the look of him and he seemed keen on the idea.

When the kids came along I had to hide the little one’s natural ability to unclog the sink.

Once I joined the circus as a magician. I had ordered new doves at the last moment, but they sent me mockingbirds instead. I got fired after the first show. The Ringmaster thought they were making fun of him.

Would you believe I rode a bicycle naked through a crowd of traveling minstrels? By day’s end I had learned how to play the clarinet.

Once I owned a fruit stand on North Michigan Avenue. Every few months a Naval captain came by. He would squeeze my melons. He had the coldest hands.

I worked in a shop with a laundry in front,a psychiatrist in back and facials upstairs. Pressed or depressed cost the same.

Before that I worked for a tailor. He made mens suits to die for. He was amusing and kept me in stitches. But you saw that coming.

to be continued


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